gurlnxtdor088

oh here i go again fighting the urge of wanting to watch harry potter 6...argh! i hate this feeling..wala naman kasi aku mapapala dito noh..i asked him to come and watch with me pero peste ang daming dahilan..argh!then here comes G.I Joe..yown he's going to wtch it with his= boss..kamuztah naman diba..hello..tangna! ayoko na mag-aya ever..argh! sana mabulag na lang aku para tantanan ku lahat ng kakapanood ng movies at teleserye..pati na din kaka-computer..napapgod na aku!!!argh!

once i had a broken heart and i promise myself that i won't let it happen again
i don't want to think nor dream about it anymore
but i can't help it when it finds it way back into my head
because i was hurt by you
then you came and mend this broken heart of mine
i love you and i need you are only words that i used to tell you and i surely meant it
but to you it was just words that you learned from ms. webster
hope i'm wrong
am i being played again? in this love game.
oh please no. no no no
not again.

if ever i win, will you take me on top of the mountain?
and if i never can i drown myself in the sea so you won't see me crying
i promised myself to love you forever,
and i guess you will always be the biggest part of me!
i will follow you wherever you are
i will do whatever you want me to do
because i want you to stay
you've changed the way i used to think.
and you, you will always be the biggest part of me!

i took the risk of letting you have my heart
i swore i will be good this time
because i don't want it to happen again
and i  want you to stay
i'm not mad. sorry if i keep on asking
i'm glad you're here.
i know for myself that with you gabbiee, i can depend
i love you.

i promise to believe everything you say
with you i finally believe in love again
i swear i will always be there for you
just promise me you'll stay
i love you

what a lazy saturday afternoon...hmpf! got nothing to do just chat and play in facebook..oh come on..i need a life..i mean i need a new way of life..i'm starting to feel paranoid and something when i'm home doin' nothing. argh! i need to stop this and fix my fucking life...ayoko na! i'm fed up!

tinuruan ka sumulat para isulat mo ang tama...subalit ito'y iyong ginamit sa walang kwentang bagay..

tinuran ka bumasa para hindi ka mag-mukhang tanga...pero mas pinili mo pang maging mangmang...

binigyan ka ng pandinig para marinig mo ang dapat mong marinig...pero pinipili mo ang dapat mong marinig...

binigyan ka ng pakiramdam para umunawa...pero pinili mong magtanga-tangahan..

ngayon madami kang tanong na nakaka-bobo at mga sagot na katangahan at nakaka-gago lang naman...

umaasa ka na mamumuhay ka ng maayos pero yun pala isa ka na palang buhay na bangkay...

weewwW! for the past 2 weeks i have been planning for this special trip for us..i'm planning to go to bohol and yet everything is not sure because of work schedules and school..on the same week he told me he's going to davao for work..i guess he'll be there for a week...so i still have hope nung una kasi malay ku ba na malayo pala sa date ng alis nya yun noh..pero when he told me he'll be going with his friends then aun i cancelled everything...malamang he'll choose to be with his friends kasi yung chosen words nya eh parang nakapag-decide na cia...ganun na ata ngayon eh wla ng consult sa tao basta go na lang din...kahit saan at kahit sino pa kasama..eh cnu nga ba yun friends naman nya yun eh...cancel lahat from the airline reservation and resort booking...i guess its useless now...wala lang..in have to make an appointment for another summer...haiz!akala ku surprise pero aku pala ma-surprise...oh i guess that's life...i have to be patient...

where the hell on earth i stand???lupa??hahhaha..naiinis aku...bahala na...potek!sana katulad mu na lang kau walang paki sa mararamdaman at nararamdaman ng mga tao...haiz!

Happy Mothers day to my mom in heaven...to my aunties...and to my boyfriends mom...i love you so much mama..and i miss you..oh how i wish you were here here so i have someone to talk to when i have problems but i still believe and i know that you're just around guiding us in your own ways...sometimes i envy my sister a lot because during her teen life and her early adulthood you're with her...she tells you stories about her boyfriends, her studies, her problems and anything but me you weren't there...maybe you are but i can't see you...though i have my sister and my aunties around me to guide and protect me still i would love to see and be with you always not because you were my mother but because i know when i'm with you i feel safe..when i was in my teenage years i got nothing to talk too but my friends though i used to tell my sister my problems but not all i guess...maybe that's the time i get too addicted into blogging coz writing i find peace and i can feel that someone is also talking to me...my secret friend...ahhaha...and if genie's are real i want to make a wish and that's to see you..hug you..kiss you..and most of all tell you i love you...oh well i can do it everyday but its different in person...hahaha..

mabuhay lahat ng mommies sa mundo..waahahha...aja!

yesterday is my mom's birthday but i didn't had the chance of celebrating it neither do lighting a candle for her and also i didn't go to church. i informed gabbiee last week if we could go there and light candle for her or at least go to curch but we did not. coz he was out buying fishes and ding some fishy stuffs. i was so sad until late last night i could never imagine myself that way parang wala nakong paki alam sa kanya na in the end i was the one hurt for her. i missed her so much and i feel sorry for my actions. then last night before i went to sleep i was thinking if what could have been the most saddest thing that hasn ever happened to me?? was is when i lost those people i dearly loved the most?? or was it to b ignored by the person i choose to love?? i can't decide which of these two is much more painful? my mom and my uncle left me for good but they still bother to care and love me even when i don't see them. but with him i don't know what to do anymore. he used to shut me up maybe not all the time but he used to do that and for him it was unintentional. though was hurt i still bother to forgive him and love him more. haiz. nothing's changed.

masaya ka ba kapag ginagawa mu yun?

weeeh,yesterday we bought a pirana and we named him perry..we went to his house in pasig to set up perry's new habitat..and when i got there i could sense something different..i wasn't afraid o anything but i could feel there was something going on and something will happened later..and right after dnner her mom starts to ask what are our plans in life??then i said priorit for now is work..then she started epressing her feelings and i was trying to ignore her words and just continue eating but i can't..maybe i was really not that bad at all though i try to shut people up still i do bother to listen..as it goes i could feel her mom's emotions and fuck my tears are coming and then the words striked me "ZEDY, SI BUROG LANG ANG BUHAY KO!" fuck, i feel so guilty and selfish..her words seems like before gabbiee's life used to be them then when i came it "ME" and they're out of the scene..then this line also striked me "AYOKONG MAG-FAIL SA PAGPAPALAKI KAY BROG KASI SIYA LANG ANG ANAK KU!!" fuck ouch dba..tangna MANGAAGAW TALAGA AKU EH NOH!!!i guess yan na lang ata papel ku sa buhay..haha..ampotek i stil have the guts to laugh..as in i cried with her for a while and stopped coz i dn't want to cry no more and i know if i do i would have been more emotional than her..coz after all she's been a mom to us the whole time and we're just ignoring her..waaahhh...i spent the whole night crying and nakatulog na din ata aku sa kakaiyak..huhuhu..

sorry tita elong..i really don't know what to say..

had a great week coz i only have 2 days of work and the rest are holidays...wooohoooo...last monday gabbiee and i were just talking of going to the caleruega, the church on the hill...we wanted to go there even before but we do not have time because of work loads and etc. so last monday he told that he took one week off to work so we can go anywhere...so i suggesst that we should go there and feel the solemnity of the place together...then wednesday night we're on our way to caleruega but we decided to have an overnight in tagaytay...weeee...and lamig sobra...we ate at jolibee with his cousin and shane...then we slept early to have more energy to travel...then ournext destination will be st. peter's transfiguration chapel in caleruega...oh my golay...caleruega here we come...wiiiiiiiiii...ang saya...upon reaching evercrest, the nearest land mark to the church, i feel like i was near to god that i need to confess my sins and i have mixed emotions...first i was excited but then i could feel fear in my heart and i really don't know why maybe i have done so many bad things that i really need and should confessmy sins and ask for god's forgiveness...among the four of us i could say that i was the one who is so excited to see the church and of course pray even for a while before we go to our next destination...when i went inside the church i feel relieved from anything that's been bothering me from time to time...i feel safe and blessed to be there and it was a dream come true...as in...i cannot explain what i was feeling right now but i feel blessed, protected, loved and of course reborn...hehehe...i know its kinda weird but really i feel like i was a new person...maybe because of the place which is so sacred and so peaceful...one weird thing that had happened to me was inside the church while praying my tears fell...promise...my gosh!waaahhh...and then after we went to caleruega we went straight to matabungkay to unwind near the beach...we stayed at fred's resort in matabungay and its super quiet and the owner of the place were nice and the people arround were all approachable...but of course we don't give our trust that much...hehehe...its a rule!!hehehe...then we went to balanan to buy food for our dinner coz gabbiee and his cousin asked me and shane to cook for them...and it was a long drive again maybe one and a half hour drive...kapagod at ang init...though it was tiring we all make sure that we are having a great time and we enjoy what we are doing...and for dinner we will be having buttered shrimp and adobo...i will be the one cooking the buttered shrimp and shane is the one who will cook the adobong baboy...hehehe...we still have few hours before it finally gets dark so we went to beach and explore the coastline...at matindi nyan is that i kept on telling gabbiee that we should walk to the other side because i could see sea urchins and i'm afraid that we might step on them...then when gabbiee and i are walking to the sea shore...waves are coming...the sun is slowly setting... and we're walking hand in hand...sweet parang pelikula lang naman...ahahhaa...and here comes the sea urchins rolling down my left foot...wahahaha...ouch pero nakiliti aku kasi hindi ku alam na sumama cia sa alon...wahhahaha...good thing na wala akong sugat or anything sa paa nung dinaanan aku nun kasi if ever meron naku aawayin pa aku ni gabbiee...ayaw nya ng nasusugatan aku eh kasi ganun din aku sa kanya...maski kagat ng lamok...hahaha...tapos aun tawa cia ng tawa...cra ulo dba...ehhehe...then before it gets super dark we went back to the resort and swan to the pool...hahaha...enjoy talaga and swimming sa pool kesa sa beach...hahaha...then we started cooking for dinner...weeehh...nakapagsaing aku ng bigas ng walang pantakal at rice cooker...and gamit ku lang ay kamay kasi tanchahan...pero aun maayos naman ciang naluto at dami namin nakain...gabbiee was so proud happy to see that i am cooking for him and making asikaso sa kanya...kasi naman kawawa naman cia driver na lang papel nya sa buhay nung outing na yun dba...ehehhe...during those time that we're together we had the chance to talk and reminisce our past lives and our dark moments together na super pinagawayan...and while talking all we see on our faces were smiles...siguro we really just knew how we should handle things and where we should react, over react and not to react at all...hehehe...basta we bonded and we're super okai now...actually it helps us more na maging close sa isa't isa and at maging open...weeehh..naiiiyak aku now habang nagkwe-kwento sa blog...huhuhu...pero i am so happy...we have so many plans for our future and we're starting to make them come true together...its one good thing for the two of us na we used to plan things together and fulfill them together...and cute pa is that we used to consult each other about certain things kahit it involves one of us lang...hahaha..basta we both had a great week together...i am happy na hindi kasing kitid ng utak ng cousin nya yung utak nya...dahil kung ndi bye na lang...hehehehe...at super thankful aku na god gave me more that what i wanted and what i expected...hehehe...then friday we went back to manila at sabi ku hindi aku gutom pero nung nakita ku yung niluto ng mama nya at hinain na sa mesa for us eh bigla akong nagutom dahil favorite ku yun ginatang bilo-bilo at saging na saba with yelo..hahaha...lafang na dba...and nung gabi we attended the procession with his family in pasig kasi may pakaridad sila tito so we helped them giving food and drinks...tapos we also join the procession hanggang maka-ikot sa church...then at night we went to medical city to check on sanze kasi nakonfine cia dahil masakit daw yung chan nya ng sobra..until now we're not yet sure kung anu bang nangyari sa kanya...get well soon sanze...muwahf!weee...i'm loving his family and so do him to my family...


everyday we used to think that everything were just the same coz we keep on doing the same routine ever since but when we pause for a while and look back on what we have missed and what we have ignored eh makikita natin na life is not repeating itself..tayo lang yung makulit na gusto ng rewind at repetition ng mga pangayayri sa buhay natin...kaya nga diba everyday nagpapalit tayo ng araw, oras, month at date kasi kinabukasan iba naman ang dapat nating iexpect na mangyayari...some may be good and some may be bad pero at the end of the day we still have to thank one person why we're still here breathing, getting angry, crying, smiling, laughing and etc. kasi we owe him a lot...and of course let us not forget to thank and be thankful that we are still with these people whom we choose to love, care and protect...